You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
