I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
