...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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