I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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