so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
