Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
