Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
