Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
