i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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