you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
