i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
