dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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