True but thats because hes a fetus.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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