I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just want nice things and good sex
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
