You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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