$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
