just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
