I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
