im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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