and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
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