Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
