I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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