Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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