dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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