I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
