yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
bring money and cleavage
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
