i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
