i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
