Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
