awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
