She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
