I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Someone signed my nipple.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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