ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
