I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
