Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
