My first STD was from a foam party
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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