so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
