After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
