I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
