you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
