Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
