Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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