I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
