we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sext me about skeletons
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
