I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
