First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
