you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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