im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
