I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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