She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
