she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
