My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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